Finally have a job. But its something I can’t cross off my 43things list as it is only a weeks freelance work. I’ll be working in the big smoke, not somewhere high on my list of locations to work, working as a tester with someone I used to work with at my last job. How I got the gig was by chance really, I was contacted by my ex-colleague as he had some work that was similar to what I did before and immediately thought of me. I’ve now been out of work for 4 months and after a bit of thinking, thought I take it. One thing it might confirm is that I wouldn’t like to work in the city again, but am grateful that I have an opportunity to try out a commute and more positively more experience I can add onto my CV.
I am currently all things nervous/petrified/excited about starting a new job and also thankful for the opportunity. I shall brace the commute with open eyes.

Been thinking about what my life was like 10 years ago. It’s totally different to what it is now. Where did I go wrong?

I’ve been doing a fair amount of soul searching in the last few months and still I can’t shake my thoughts. I don’t like where I am now, I don’t want to be where I am now. Some things I’m trying to change, others I can’t seem to change.
What you see on the outside is not what is going on inside me. I can easily hide what’s eating me up inside, but I can only do that for as long as I do before I get back home and am faced with reality.
I have very few friends I can talk to, the numbers fit on one hand. Even then some of those think I’m in a different place to what is seen on the outside. The others, I don’t want to keep burdening with my problems, saying the same thing over again. It’s not fair on them.

In another life
I would be your girl
We’d keep all our promises
Be us against the world
In another life
I would make you stay
So I don’t have to say
You were the one that got away

Hates it when I’m having one of those days when I can’t stop thinking about things. Nothing I do seems to make me think of better things.
Grrrr

Would like it if people wouldn’t keep going on about how my job hunting is going. I know I have to look for a job, I am looking for a job and when I do get one, you’ll know.
It really gets to me when the first thing you ask when you see me is how the job hunting is going and then spend most of the time telling me all the things that I should be doing. I don’t mind it cropping up in conversation but not when you first see me. It makes me not wanna meet up with you again.

Got a low low feeling around me
And a stone cold feeling inside
And I just can’t stop messing my mind up
Or wasting my time

All alone, staring on
Watching her life go by
When her days are grey
And her nights are black
Different shades of mundane
And the one-eyed furry toy that lies upon the bed
Has often heard her cry
And heard her whisper out a name long forgiven
But not forgotten

No light, no light
In your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
You can’t choose what stays and what fades away
And I’d do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
Tell me what you want me to say

I had a lengthy blog post written for this entry, but it was too personal and not something I wanted available on the internet. Needless to say I’m not in a very happy place right now and things are getting the better of me.